The tide of life sweeping me away

Hello, I rarely post on here anymore, with 10's of 1000's of blogs, bloggers, I barely make a dent in anything, and that's why the title of this post is 'The tide of life is sweeping me away', and that's the truth.

It's sweeping all of us away, but when happy, one just doesn't notice it as much.

Like dying, I mean is it really more comforting to die with people around you than alone?

Dying is a lonely process regardless, and as one who is not loved, I think I'd prefer dying alone.
----------------------------------------------

Xmas is tomorrow, so what.

Anyways, not much to say right now, and if I did it wouldn't matter, as the tide of life is washing me away.

The guilt of sexuality

Hello

Years since I've been on here, sucks how 'stiff' sign in is, they use old number which you may not have had for months or years....anyways...the title of this audio blog is 'The guilt of sexuality'.

God programmed into us 'attraction towards others', yet man spends time making 'us', 'you' ect, feel guilty about that which you're attracted to...makes no sense, or does it?

Listen and get more confused...lol...

https://www.patreon.com/posts/23151804

To me, at times, 'God' is a monster, and a cruel one at that.

To me, 'God' is a monster, and a cruel one at that, or so it seems to me at times.

Like waiting years to buy winning lottery tickets, then they just magically vanish from car to place of residence.

To me, God is cruel, always really has been if study religious books carefully.

Seems either in favor of 'god', or 'the gods', or are not, and behavior, ethics, character, seem to have little to do with it.

Seems 'god' or the 'gods' either like you are not, and your own individual behavior seems to have zero to do with it, is why so many people of rotten character always seem to flourish, while those who are innocent in character, do nothing wrong, have irons hanging around neck.

Tired of the game, if god wants to kill me, than should just do it, instead of forcing me to live a life of lost dreams.

Saturday nights forever still??

Everyone chooses a time in life from past, that most comfortable with, and wants to stay in that 'spot' forever, like a ghost lingering around in home, house or castle, long after time and people have past them by.

And that's often how I find myself feeling now, more and more, in that whatever concept I had of America, the heartland, or heartland types, that kind of 70's generic drive in theater culture, it all seems gone now, and only exists in my head.

But again, everyone is different, there's so many factors that effect ones quality of life, the ability to engage in life, and see life as an exciting spring, regardless of age.

Some of those factors are whether or not one has

1. Love, if not loved, than life can seem grey

2. Family, if engaged in family, than again, life is more enjoyable as you tend to live life through the younger generation and their joys and awe of the world

3. Friends, friends play the role of family in keeping you up beat and positive about things, and engaged in new projects all the time

4. Health, being healthy also factors in big time.

If don't have any of the above, than can easily feel like a ghost at times, just wondering through 'Time and Space' until expired.

Right now, my Saturday nights are very 'grey', there are probably Senior Citizens that have more fun, and socialize more than I do on Saturday nights. My Saturday nights are now spent hunkered down, alone and by myself, and not really sure why.

I'm healthy enough to were could get up and out and go get into things, but chose not to.

(My situation is a bit more complex, and has to do more with 'identity', being in area where others whom look like me, embarrace the hell out of me with their behaviors and mannerism, as such even though place way more racially mixed, than where I was raised, I feel more socially isolated here than ever did where I was raised)

All that aside, 1, 2, 3, from above list, insulates 'one' from the ugly realities of life, cause when loved, have family and friends, they boost your esteem, give you confidence and as such don't have time to worry about how others view you.

Love, family and friends, insulates you from a lot of social BS, that without Love, family and friends, find self very keenly aware of.

Saturday nights can still be wonderful for those who have the above, regardless of age.
But if not, than Saturday nights just become moments of reflecting on the past and then writing about it through old pictures taken years ago.

Her feet, His hands 'Kong'

Here feet, His hands 'Kong'

Here feet, His hands

A scene from 'King Kong'

I love this scene in that there's no greater physical sign of trust, submission and humility than for this woman to place here delicate bare feet in the hands of Kong.

When you give up 'your feet', you give up the ability to roam, to run, to hide, when you give up your feet you're totally at the mercy of the one you give them up to.

Like the saying 'The lifted me off my feet'.

When you give someone your feet, you're totally trusting them to do right by you, and in this scene here she's totally trusting King Kong to do right by here, and he, or the Ape does just that.

Foot fetish types will understand this post more than others will.\

For those who value thy feet, feet are a sign of grace and wonder.

Also, I love the contrast between Kong's black leathery palms, and her white tender fleshy feet, the contrast is amazing to me.

Contrast is art and art is contrast.

For her to place her tender feet and body into the hands of a beast 500 times stronger, is contrast.

And it's sometimes only through contrast do we learn lessons and or see things more clearly.

God is either evil, has zero power in this world, or doesn't exist

God is either evil, has zero power in this world, or simply does not exist

Either there is no 'god', at least not a good one, or if such a god does exist has zero powers on Earth, or god is 'bad', an entity that enjoys pain and watching others lives get destroyed.

I've never felt this strongly about it before until today, in that I wonder why, if a god that is 'good', would allow ugliness from your past to resurface, a person who is hell and brings hell with them.

I never could understand why ugly rotten things are always drawn to that which is good or tries to be?

And I've learned this, ugly rotten things, humans, people, cannot change their stripes, no matter what.

An ugly person can become a 'Christian, and their ugly nature will still shine through again eventually, they can become a Muslim, a Monk, almost anything, and eventually their ugly rotten nature will rise to the surface and simply use new medium as a way to exploit and hurt others.

You can try your best to run away from these ugly people and they always seem to find you, as if fate runs them into you again, or just their will to torment.

But regardless of how they come off at first, their ugly nature is just beneath the surface.

When you're sharing, they're simply taking notes on you, to use stuff against you in the future.

Evil people study you for your weaknesses, and then move in to exploit those weakness any way they can, and I'm sick of so called 'God', if such even exists, always allowing ugly people to enter my life.

And Time and Space has taught me that you just can't reason with ugly and evil, your words of wisdom and friendship have zero effect, just flows through them like vapor.

They will pretend to understand simply as a way of earning your trust, then when you open up, their ugly nasty side comes out, and from then on they begin degrading your person, character, physical traits and anything else they can destroy about you, sometimes with subtilties, other times with plain out right angry words and or physical.

The ugly seem to only thrive around the good, you see this dynamic everywhere in life.

The bad always flows towards the good, you see it in immigration, you see it in how criminals always target the innocent and more.

I'm just tired of it, tired of evil.

Tired of a supposed god that always allows evil to trail the good.

I don't even think god can change that which is evil, I think all god or nature can do is eventually destroy it, but not change it.

Fading 

As predicted here...http://twylightzone.boards.net/thread/90/manning-bunch-bradley-chelsea-more

As predicted earlier by posts in link, the allure of being a glam queen while serving out prison sentence would soon lose it's a appeal to the young Manning.
It's hard enough doing time as a straight male, it's even harder when trying to do time, around other males of varying maturity levels and backgrounds, while trying to transition into a female, as Manning was trying to do.

It's one thing when in and out of court, pre conviction, and lights and cameras following you around everywhere, saying name and face in papers around the world, on TV ect, but it's another cold reality once behind bars and hidden away from all, buried and forgotten, your world changes real quick.

No more glam, no more favored attention, no more hair and beauty products readily available to use, no more privacy or retreating into own social group for support, all that gone, now you're in prison around street guys with no class or ethics, who simply see you as 'meat'.

Once in prison, these guys, other prisoners, aren't phycologists, and don't care why you want to become a female, all they see you as is meat and a freak to be used and or exploited for personal gain.

For Manning, at first it may of been 'fun', different, to be the focus of so much attention, and or even be flirted with by some and or more. (Since after all they were trying to transition into a woman in a all male facility, so of course that aroused the 'lust' of some in there)

Lust, but I doubt very little respect, and even Manning, as a human, needs respect and dignity to help give life meaning, and sadly in prison I doubt there's any of that, cause once 'used', just seen as meat or a tool.

Then add to that women require a lot of upkeep, especially guys trying to transition over into a woman, always trying to bury their manly traits behind make up ect.

Some males, do to DNA, 'can pass', already, they're already feminine or 'petite' enough where they don't need much cosmetics, but other guys need a bucket of paint to 'pass' for female.

Regular gay guys do not, in that regular gay males aren't 'fem' or trying to be, in fact most regular gay guys are repulsed by anything fem, and is why they're gay.
But cross dressers or trans, on the other hand, get their identities from being 'fem', and being fem required upkeep, and if denied that upkeep, can be hard on a fella who wants to be fem, but can't.

It is in the news that Manning has made at least 2 suicide attempts, so obviously their current conditions are really depressing them, nothing to look forward to in near future, just living around basic minded males with basic needs, prison needs, prison egos, gangs, criminals, killers, thieves and more.
I always thought it odd he'd announce his transitioning into a woman right before going to all male prison, and I found it stupid, and careless to do so.
Now they can't 'hide', and can never try to be a 'male' again, cause in prison they won't allow it, and will always see Manning as a 'punk' or 'sissy', regardless of how they look on the outside.

Been following this story for years and still interested in how it turns out.